I've been thinking a lot about body image... there are so many shapes and sizes out there and somehow, somewhere, someone got the grand idea that we should all look the same.
And not just the same size - but similar fashion sensibility as well. It's not enough that we try to attain the same size 2 or 4 (impossible for most of us) but we shun ourselves and others when we don't. How many of us have looked at ourselves in the mirror and been disappointed with the body staring back at you.
I admit that the first time I looked in a full length mirror after I gave birth to my second child was truly a frightening experience for me. I remember going to Banana Republic to look for something that made me feel "normal" again and looking in their full length mirror and freaking out. Who IS that woman staring back at me? I didn't recognize my own body anymore. If someone had taken a photo of myself and chopped off my head and said, "Pick out your body" out of a line up of pics -- I would not have picked my own. I just would not have guessed that the body in the mirror was mine. Craziness!
I'm not saying that it's not okay to be shocked by the changes we go through as we age. I remember my grandmother telling me that she'd look in the mirror and not recognize the old lady staring back at her. I didn't really comprehend back then what she was saying though, as I had only known her as a grandma. She was always grandma to me. I thought she was just beautiful and couldn't understand why she'd want to look any different when I loved her just the way she was. I feel that way about my friends as well. Yes, it was fun when we were young and wrinkle free. But I'm so glad that we're all still here together getting wrinkles and wishing Calgon could really take us away.
I sat in my car at a red light the other day and a woman crossed in front of me. She was walking towards me and she was a "bigger" woman. I mean, really big. Her breasts were about a foot away from her chin. Her belly was further out than that, her legs were large as well as her rear end. And she had a wonderful warm smile that took over her face. As she crossed in front of me I thought to myself, "She looks like a good hugger." She looked warm and inviting. And I got sad. Because most people in the world don't judge a woman that large as beautiful. But at that moment, walking across the street, with the afternoon sun hitting just right - she did. She was absolutely beautiful. I wished I could have rolled down my window and yelled to her - Hey! You look beautiful right now! - but I can only imagine what would happen if I did. LOL.
Does any of this make sense? I'm still trying to make sense of it all myself. There are days when I don't care how much I weigh and I like to look in the mirror when I'm dressing and say, "Suck it, Satan. I'm beautiful just the way I am." Then there are days when I think to myself, "Suck it in, girl! Argh!"
I just wish that we all recognized the beauty in ourselves and in others no matter our sizes. Size really shouldn't matter (that's what he said - sorry, couldn't help myself) but what's inside should count more. How many skinny bitchy women have I known? Probably just as many larger bitchy women... or single bitchy women or married biotches. They come in all shapes and sizes. How we treat each other should be the gold standard not if we can fit into our skinny jeans from the late 90's.
Let's be nicer to each other and to ourselves. Let's tell Satan to SUCK IT every time we look in the mirror and tell ourselves that we really are beautiful and that we really do have worth.
